i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
