Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
