I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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