So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
