the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
