good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
