Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
