There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
