We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
