apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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