she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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