I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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