I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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