No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
