ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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