We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
