I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize