dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
