went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
