his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
