Yo dont text me then not text me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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