chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
