My room smells like vodka and shame
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
