I can't watch pbs sober anymore
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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