I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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