hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
