You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
