we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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