the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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