dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
