Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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