so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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