cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
vagina is talking i cant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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