i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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