Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
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The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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