A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
