Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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