I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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