Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
