Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
