His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
