yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
