I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
