You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize