I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
