I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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