She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Randomize
