and my herpes radar will keep us safe
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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