It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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