Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
