So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Two words: blizzard sex
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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