I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
