yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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