watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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