she was so not down for the gang bang
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
