just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
