Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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