is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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