i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
