You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
