i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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