you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
