Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
